We opened this session double checking our rules for wilderness travel on horseback. The DMG page 58 gives a rate of two 30 mile hexes a day for normal terrain by a light mount and one 30 mile hex a day for a warhorse moving over normal terrain. Last week’s session took 2 days for the cleric/assassin to arrive at the Octagon building and 6 days for the party to go to the archeological dig and back. So at the time of the game, that party was still one day out into the future and thus out of play. We can pick their thread with the Shield of Nergal again during the following session!
It had been a long while since we had checked in with the other party over in Opar with the cavemen and the mushroom people. Somehow, most of the players that were here for the last session at this location were pretty well all reunited. Very surprising!
Had to tell one player he was running his second level monk that was the sole survivor of Spirit Cooking of the Rich and Famous and not the Lawful Good cleric with the Pegasus. The ridiculous Bob Dobs that had wreaked havoc in the Undead Quarter was back. As was the newer characters Chadria the Chad-Medusa magic-user and Hans the assassin. Fluid the Druid, the stupendously high level Druid was also back in action. This group of player characters could not be ANY MORE DIFFERENT from the other one!
The biggest loose end from this group’s previous session was the Dark Crystal. We had a few weeks of time for Chadria to experiment with it. It shocks most organic material that comes in contact with it, but a female mushroom man (?) that touches it changes colors. Chadria gets some kind of psychedelics from the mushroom men and communes with the Dark Crystal… after which he appears to have some sort of psychic bond with it. The crystal levitates and follows along behind him wherever he goes.
Fluid the druid meanwhile has an influx of trollops looking for a way to drop out. Business in general and the nightlife in particular has been lousy for them ever since hundreds of goblins had established Nilbog in the crater just outside the city limits.
Finally, with everything caught up it was time to decide to figure out what the group wanted to do. I think this took a fair amount of time as it involved a lot of planning. The players wanted to take their caveman army and any mushroom men that could be spared and then have everyone in the army bring a faggot of sticks with them. The idea was to go smoke the frogmen and maybe even the sorceress out of Mount Glovermore. And them mob them with the insane mount of force at their disposal.
Gosh, looking at those rates of travel this is going to take six days to get to Mount Glovermore even though it was only two 30-mile hexes away. On the way there they sight another group of flying creatures that circles around and then heads off to the norteast.
The players show up to Mount Glovermore and I really have to set the scene again. It’s a granite slab at a relatively steep angle heading up to the big Danny Glover head. I decide it takes one turn to go up to the mouth, but two turns to come back down. (Also it’s a thirty minute hike around the back of the head to the crevasse area from the mouth.) It’s too steep to position an army on the rock face, so the players put 30 mushroom men in their center, Fluid the Druid with Ringo Star and 30 cavemen on the right, and then Bob Dobs with 30 cavemen on the left. Chadria and Malalip are positioned on Danny Glover’s upper lip, awaiting anyone fleeing from out of the mouth.
At this point I have to just decide what happens given everything that has happened in the campaign so far. I make a d12 table with every possible outcome on it. Some indicate total surprise and very poor preperations on the part of the Mount Glovermore inhabitants. Others indicate the players have fallen into a trap. There are a couple of entries that are kind of nuts. I roll a d12 and the specifics of the session’s scenario are finally nailed down.
The players light the faggots inside of Danny Glover’s mouth. His eyes light up and smoke starts coming out of his ears. Then a bit of a ways down, smoke starts coming out of a place the players weren’t expecting. They start to reposition to investigate this location, but then at the very bottom of the rock face, a cunningly hidden rock-portcullis is raised and frog men start marching out of it.
Fluid the Druid is quick on the draw and casts Entanglement on some seeds he had scattered in that area by their gate. I decide that 30-60 frogmen get out of the passage before it is blocked. They take harassing fire from Malalip the monk. A body of 30 frog men collide with Bob Dobs’s group of 30 cavemen. This is total chaos and not really real medieval warfare so I rule that is is a total free-for-all. Five cavemen get exchanged for 15 frogmen and the frogmen lose their cohesion, fleeing into the jungles. (Note: I forgot to give the cavemen their free attacks to a fleeing foe. But this did not impact the substance of the battle, so no matter.)
After the way is cleared, 145 frogmen spill out of the mountain crashing into the players’ line. They finally get a good look at the enemy captain: monkey head with ridges, trumpet-like ears, huge flat green eyes, flat misshapen nose, pig-like rubbery torso, fat, stingered tail, humped back, insect-like arms and claws, and suction cup tentacle legs. This monster was more inspiring than I had anticipated. The players were REALLY IMPRESSED with this one. Somebody said it was like a He-man figure or something.
What followed was a full turn where the frogmen hacked away at the entangled vines while the monk continued to to harass them with ranged weaponry. Chadria attempted to commune with the Dark Crystal and ended up sensing some sort of ominous force directing the frogmen below. Fluid took his group of 30 cavemen and repositioned them by the mountain entrance.
Now I was imagining the battle as if there were five different rectangular chainmail units in play. The bloodied caveman unit was being attacked head on while the second group of cavemen flanked the mob of frogmen. On the players’ right, the monkey man’s army of frogmen crashed into the mushroom men. For the second round of battle, there was an even exchange of 10 frogmen for 10 cavemen on the players’ left. On the right, the frogmen were down 20 and the mushroom men had ZERO casualties. The cavemen made a morale check after seeing their unit cut in half. Meanwhile the frogmen on the right fell back in dismay at the awesome power of the mushroom men. Fluid the druid then unleashed an insect swarm on the weird monkey man.
Things were looking pretty strong for the players going into the third round. But then the mushroom men whiffed on their attack and lost a third of their fighting force. Meanwhile on the players’ right, an even exchange of 10 frogmen for 10 cavemen went down. Somehow the five remaining cavemen in Bob Dobs’s group made their morale check. (The bless he cast on them at the beginning of the battle did the trick.) Everything looked like it was about to collapse for the players. Chadria was trying to use the Dark Crystal to demoralize the frogman army on a psychic level. This didn’t have a visibile effect, but then Hans the Assassin realizes that the insect-swarmed monkey man in a prime target for an assassination attempt. I cross-reference his level with the level of the monkey man and get the percentage chance. And holy moly! wouldn’t you know the guy actually made it. This triggered a morale check for his frogmen. This was evidently so dismaying to the frogmen that they threw down their weapons and begged for mercy.
For the fourth round of combat, the remaining frogmen face 30 cavemen on one side and 20 mushroom men on the other. Thirty frogmen bite the dust and the rest beg for mercy.
Thus ended the Battle of Glovermore: 25 of the original 60 cavemen dead, 10 of the original 30 mushroom men dead. 100 frog men killed and 70 frog men captured. The coolest NPC I ever made also dead.
(Note that these combat turns took about 15 minutes each. I switched to 1:5 for the first round and then 1:10 for the rest. I would roll to-hit and damage normally and divide the damage by the average hit points of the units to get the number of kills. The next time I do this I would probably not roll damage but instead use the average damage for the unit’s weapon type. I would definitely track total damage a unit has taken rather than just raw casualties so that the “no effect” results would be less harsh. Finally you can let the players attack normally if they wish and then divide total damage by the scale and just add that to the tally. Players asked about their chance of being killed when attached to a unit. I suggested possibly stealing the rules for that from Commands & Colors: Ancients. But it really isn’t a huge chance.)
The mushroom men had successfully stalled a threat to their foothold in the world for minimal losses.
The cavemen had enough frog legs to sustain the federated tribes for the rest of the winter. Ringo Starr directed his men to dress the kills and deliver them to caves throughout the northeast.
The players still wanted treasure. They bullied the grovelling surrendered frogmen and the drug out chests full of loot in an attempt to placate the players. I ran through the treasure type results for the frog men multiplying results by 6. A reasonable amount of coin ensued but then… I actually got the magic item result. Multiplying that by 6 gave 12 magic items. Oh well. If I knew what the result should have been I wouldn’t have rolled for it. The luck on the magic items was perhaps balanced by the ABSOLUTE WORST outcome for the gem value roll.
My friend Bdubs1776 says that the dungeons of my campaign are like npcs. There is always one that the players get taken with and it never quite makes sense and you can’t really control it. But yeah, Mount Glovermore is THAT DUNGEON in this campaign. Oh, and after talking to the frogmen (Hans the Assassin speaks french) the players now know that the sorceress is on the second level somewhere.
Finally, this game demonstrated that we could run Chainmail-like combats in the context of a normal AD&D session and NOTHING REALLY MAJOR CHANGES. It took a good ten minutes to resolve each turn, but the payoff for the investment seems to be about worth it. (Less chance of PC death for better treasure is what it looked like. Though if the players had been defeated, Fluid might have covered the fleeing characters with a fog, but Malalip and Chadria would have been captured more than likely due to their position on the rock face.)
Anyway, while I was crunching through the turns I remember apologizing for it taking time to sort it all out. People were like, eh… noone’s ever done this before! Don’t know what the next big battle will be or win, but we all know now how it can be done. Even relatively low level AD&D characters can have a significant place on the battlefield.
Treasure and Experience
100 XP for Chadria ONLY for the scroll.
6289 gold value in coin and gems divided up by the players comes out to 1257.8 each.
20,095.5 XP for monsters and treasure. 55 henchmen with 5 player characters means it is divided 32.5 ways. XP shares for players comes out to 618.
Gotta divide up the magic items later. Don’t forget!
Oh and Hans the Assassin took the stinger from his fallen foe.
Cast o’ Characters
Chadrian — Half-Elf Fighter/Magic-User that looks like Chad-Medusa (Session 26, 27, and 30) 0 + 31 + 718 XP and 1257.8 gold.
Bob Dobs — Human Veteran/Acolyte (Session 22, 23, 24, 27 and 30 )XP at 1517 + 698 + 1097 + 31 + 618 = 3961 XP for 1980/1500 as fighter/cleric. 1376 + 330.5 + 807 + 1257.8 = 3771.3 gold.
Malalip the Initiate — Level two monk. [Sessions 18, 19, 21, 27, and 30] 2250 + 106 + 400 + 31 + 618 XP. All saving spent on training. 63 + 1257.8 gold. Sole survivor of level 10 of The Tower of Ultimate Darkness. Potion of Strength 18/00.
Fluid the Druid, Initiate of the 2nd Circle — Level three druid. [Delve 9, 10, 11, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 21, 26, 27, and 30] 4000 + 106 + 369 + 400 + 618 = 5493 XP. Should be broke from training. 63 + 160 + 1257.8 gold. Procurer of the fabled Boobs of Opar. Potion of Strength 18/00.
Hans the Assassin (Sessions 27 and 30) 31 + 618 + 700 XP and 1257.8 gold. Note: the 700 XP is for assassinating the monkey man.
During the hiatus the real time rules we pioneered last year were a powerful incentive to set up impromptu games even if it was on the same night as other people’ games. The medusa head was a powerful item… but if we waited too long to play again, it would be completely rotten when we resumed. If the players could pick up from the next day after their last session they could clear out multiple dungeon levels by leveraging the awesome power of the gaze attack. Or maybe they could have someone take the Pegasus, fly back to Trollopulous, and then turn Elric to stone.
Big things could happen. The player with the Medusa head asked if he could turn it into a permanent magic item. This is not directly addressed by the rules, but judging from the spell research rules I declared that he did not have the resources, expertise, or laboratory assets to make this work.
Days ticked by. Opportunities evaporated as gifts were exchanged. The game world continued on even if we weren’t actively playing it!
Finally we got back together for a game. I told the players that the Medusa head was held together only by the magical energies of the creature they’d cut it from. They sensed somehow that they could get one or more uses from it… but any successful use would result in a chance of causing the head to disentegrate.
Lotsa discussion about what to do ensued. Not one thought was given for the Dark Crystal, Cave Men, and mushroom people on the other side of the map. Should the players go to Tharktopia with the head? Hobgobiton?
But then there were questions about the cleric/assassin that was spying on the group of 60 Venger Satanis clones six hexes away. There was no strong consensus about what to do with the session, so when the cleric/assassin player mentioned that he didn’t have another character prepared I knew EXACTLY what to do.
I apologized to the other players and switched to the cleric/assassins situation. He doesn’t fit in with the Venger Satanis people at all. But they seem to tolerate him. There is this super long dig going on and he goes down and checks out their progress. Everyone is excited. The diggers think they will break through ANY MOMENT NOW. Going back topside, the cleric/assassin witnesses flying creatures circling in the skies above. Also, in the disance… dirt plumes indicating the arrival of a whole lot of SOMETHING within a couple of hours.
The cleric/assassin retires to a nearby ridge to observe the carnage. A couple hundred horsemen roll in an completely annihilate the Venger Satanis clones. At this point, the cleric/assassin decides that NOW would be a good time to head for… I dunno… the Adventurer’s Aid Society octagon six hexes away.
There he meets a group of adventurers that just so happen to have a Medusa head on their hands and nothing exciting to use it on. Fagor was having drinks with a statue of a bard– the cleric/assassin’s previous character that had died last time. While the party buys rations, horses, and gear I check the wandering monsters for five hexes of plains travel. Some large spotted lions are seen about a hundred yards away. The players opt to steer clear of these beasts.
Arriving at the dig there is now a gigantic burial mound that wasn’t there before. The players decide to leave the two sumo wrestlers with the horses and head down the excavation tunnel after Peero demonstrates its usage. They get down to the bottom and are surprised to find a few digging tools down there. The players start digging and having dirt and rocks lifted up back topside. A couple of hours later, a hole appears in the floor and a red light is coming out of it. The players decide it must be Hades or something, but insist that digging through to the other side of the earth and into an Oriental Adventures campaign would be better.
Peero is lowered through the passageway and reports that there is a maze down there with the negative space being all fire pits. I tell the players how beautiful it is. Like… it’s totally been drawn by Dyson Logos. The crosshatching is superb. At this exact moment, Big Chungus lays down on my gaming notes and rpg books and I tell him to take a hike. Embarassing!
Anyway, the players have Peero make a map of the maze on the some monk-skin parchment– all that is left of ANOTHER of the cleric/assassin’s dead characters. (Harry Plinkett the magic-user saved this back the time the monk got turned into Pizza Rolls.) The players lower themselves down to the maze and it turns out that it takes two trips to do this. They are on the maze, but at one end of the cavernous room there is a passage way leading into the darkness. At the other there is this giant statue of Nergal– really cool Babylonian dude with lion hindquarters. The party heads through the maze with Peero in the lead, but Fagor starts to lose his nerve. He has spent 29 sessions building up a 4th level half-orc fighter and this just feels like a big fat trap. He is finally persuaded to move on through the maze.
Half way to their destination twelve dragon heads poke up from the horrible fire pits. The cleric-assassin (“Pikachu” I think) and the fighter with the Medusa head (Franz) declare that they are going for the statue or bust. Fagor debates whether or not to flee the dungeon entirely but ends up staying when he realizes that anyone pulling themselves up 200 feet on the platform.
All hell breaks loose. Fire shoots out of the dragon-mouths but I read the monster manual entry wrong and use the rules for bite attacks instead. So this was really the non-firebreathing hydra with flame attack chrome. Many of the hits land on Harry Plinkett and he is completely incinerated along with his magic hat that he never once used. Peero also got burned up. Fagor, Laurel, and Hardy all took modest amounts of damage.
At this point the Medusa head gets held aloft. I ask someone to roll a die on camera and this goes terribly but somebody announces like a 15 or 16 or something. The players are like, this is not good! I tell the players that it must not have worked due to the smoke, the haze, or the poor lighting or something.
The cleric/assassin Pikachu then prays to his god Nergal for divine assistance. Like many things in D&D, there is also a small insignificant chance for just about anything. I pause the game to look this rule up because I know I saw it in there at some point. I was suprised that none of the players knew about it. I think it’s a 10% chance for something to happen. I roll percentile dice and boom… it comes up 01. This is so awesome I am sure the players think I am fudging this for them, but wow. Play enough D&D and this weird stuff happens eventually. Just like that one guy that gets psionics in a year.
So the giant Nergal statue is right there and laser beams shoot out of his eyes, knocking the hydra into the firepits. The players complete the maze and arrive at the Nergal statue. Pikachu the half-orc cleric/assassin carefully gets the large black shield. Mission accomplished, the party prepares to head out but the hydra has crawled back up into the maze and is coming to meet them. There is much cowering behind the black shield and maybe seven more breath attacks. The medusa head is yet-again held aloft and the saving throw die comes up with 8.
The hydra turns to stone and everybody leaves except Franz who wants to find more treasure. He finds this scribe’s room with a writing table, some large feathers, and a chest that is so heavy that he ends up calling Fagor for help. They drag it back to the lift and then realize it is too heavy to go up in one go anyway. Fagor bashes it open and it is just loaded with coin.
The party exits the dungeon through the cieling and then decides to head back to the Adventurers’ Aid Society octagon building. (I offered to attempt to quickly resolve the trip back to Trollopulous, but it was so late the players decided not to.)
Note that due to time effects, this event just happened 12 days in the future so the campaign gets a break from these characters whether it wants it or not.
Treasure and Experience
14,139 XP divided 4.5 ways is 3,142 XP for PCs and 1571 XP for henchmen. (Note: Nasty and Dernhelm only get XP for gold not monsters.)
7025 gold divided 5.5 ways is 1277 XP for PCs and 638 for henchmen.
Cast o’ Characters
Fagor the Half-Orc Hero [Delves 3a, 3b, 4, 5, 6, 6b, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, and 28] — 8000 + 603 + 3142 XP and 314 + 1277 gold. His horns have grown incredibly large. Looks frightening and diabolical. Cloven hooves His name means “astonishing hero” in orcish. Member of the Order of the Knights of Trollopulous.
Logan — Level 2 (16 hit points) [Delve 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, 28, and 29] Plate mail and shortswords. 130 + 403.5 + 157 + 638 = 1328.5 gold and 2000 + 548.5 + 301 + 1571 = [Frozen at 4000 XP until he levels] XP.
Nasty and Dernhelm — Level 2 [Delve 12, 14, 15, 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, 28, and 29] Just a codpiece and a spear. 130 + 403.5 + 157 + 638 = 1328.5 gold and 2000 + 548.5 + 301 + 638 XP. (Trained for dedicated grappling)
Laurel and Hardy the barbarians (Session 28 nd 29) Henching for Fagor after meeting him at the Octagon. 301 + 1571 = 1872 XP and 157 + 638 = 795 gold.
Franz the Veteran (Session 28 and 29) — Made his saving throw versus gaze attack. Something to talk about in the tavern back home! 603 + 3142 = [Frozen at 2000 XP until he levels] XP and 314 + 1277 = 1591 gold.
Pikachu the Half-Orc Cleric/Assassin — In session 29 he picks up 3,142 XP and 1,277 gold. Frozen at 1500/1500 XP until he levels!
Harry Plinkett — Human Prestidigitator (Session 22, 25, and 28) Turns dead player characters into pizza rolls. Has enough XP to level but not enough gold. Has magic hat and a scroll with several high level spells on it. +29.8 gold for session 28. Killed by a 12-headed pyro-hydra in the underworld of Nergal.
Peero the Sweeper — (Strength 15 an 7 hit points) [Delves 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, and 28] 31 + 80 + 165 + 403.5 + 157 = 836.5 gold and 53 + 119 + 349 + 548.5 + 301. Has antique monocle from 5th aeon. Killed by a 12-headed pyro-hydra in the underworld of Nergal.
Okay, this session is very, very modest. But there are a lot of little things going on that I am really happy with.
The big thing is that campaign has bifurcated. I think things are really cooking over in the jungles of Opar. The United Federation of Cavemen, Servants of the Secret Egg, Defenders of Opar and the Sacred Mushroom Circle, FOE TO ALL THINGS THAT HOP is threatening to bust out all over the campaign map. That is in connection with the Dark Crystal, an ancient artifact of unknown power. Not to mention a hot sorceress with a frog man army, her demonic alliance… oh, and the kingdom of Mushroomia, beachhead from another dimension.
If I was playing in a campaign like that, I wouldn’t want to quit! But thanks to my rather insane interpretation of the Gygaxian “real time” rules as we have begun to call them, I have to tell all the players that helped make all of that happen that THEY HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WEEK BEFORE THEY CAN PICK THAT PARTICULAR THREAD BACK UP.
Nobody plays D&D this way. Nobody does this.
Here’s what I get out of it, though: more time to ponder how I am going to deal with that artifact and how I am going to run the inevitable clash of armies out there. I get a break from some challenging dungeon mastering problems WITHOUT HAVING TO TAKE A BREAK FROM THE CAMPAIGN. Meanwhile, the players are drafted in helping to make another situation many hexes away turn into something AT LEAST AS INTERESTING. What a challenge! Can they pull it off? READ ON!
So the players are back in the Valley of Bones where Trobelor has just gotten done training Fagor up to Hero level. The group of sixty Venger Satanis clones have been going nuts in the neighboring hill hex with some kind of archeological dig. A Cleric/Assassin conducted a spying mission to find out that the Shield of Nergal is purportedly a great ways straight down from the spot where Crubash the betrayer died. HOWEVER, this party does not know this because the spying mission took 7 days to execute and the assassin won’t be back to tell them for another three days.
Imagine telling players that they have to role play as if they didn’t know this had happened and then playing something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT instead. But hey, that’s our table. I admit, I wasn’t entirely sure I could persuade the players that this was the right way to do it. Lucky for me, they were all in on ELITE LEVEL AD&D and had no complaints.
Now my prep the past few weeks has been about establishing nearby Chainmail units, drawing up a mega-dungeon side-view style as directed by Gygax in OD&D, and filling in many more hexes on the campaign map. The players were now eleven hexes away from Trollopulous and looking for trouble. It turns out all of this was EXTREMELY USEFUL to someone that was going to have to whip up a brand new play area with just a rough ideo of what the players were even wanting to do.
On the other side of the mountains, I announced, to the west in the desert wastes is Tharktopia. To the southwest not terribly far away is… the legendary city of HOBGOBITON. And I have to tell you… just mentioning the names of these places IS ALL YOU NEED. This sort of thing just kills, I’m telling you. There was more stuff I wanted to talk about drawn from my maps, but everyone started talking over every else just at the mention of these two AWE INSPIRING ADVENTURE DESTINATIONS.
We had two new players last time that were back again this time and had to make new characters just for this session. (Which is insane. Just plain insane.) Meanwhile the player with the Cleric/Assassin needed a replacement character, too. I’ve got this big problem of explaining where all of these people are coming from if they are not coming from Trollopulous. So I just declare that there is an Adventurer’s Aid Society that builds octagonal shaped hostels for travellers in scenic wilderness locations. Typically they are CONVENIENTLY LOCATED near exciting and well stocked dungeons.
The players were really keen on this for some reason. Possibly because waiting for everyone to arrive, helping new people make characters, explaining the bizarre time paradoxes that dictate what we are doing, and describing the area nearby all takes a great deal of time that is both EXCEEDINGLY IMPORTANT TO ADVENTURING but yet somehow not quite the same thing as ACTUAL ADVENTURING.
But while we’re on the subject, let me tell you. Even a half-assed campaign like mine produces so much esoterica and unanticipated nuance that IT TAKES A GREAT DEAL OF TIME TO EXPLAIN IT ALL. There is back and forth about the nature and significance of every compelling detail. To collectively come back down and consciously enter into ADVENTURE MODE it takes effort, discipline. WHY WOULD YOU EVER PAY MONEY FOR AN RPG SUPPLEMENT WHEN THIS STUFF NOT ONLY HAPPENS AS IF BY MAGIC BUT YOU ALSO HAVE TO SEVERLY LIMIT HOW MUCH OF THIS YOU EVEN INCORPORATE INTO YOUR GAME?
So the players are heading to the Adventurer’s Aid Society building. I try to hassle them about their lack of supplies but the players have a Pegasus in the group. They claim this would make hunting trivial. Okay, whatever. They are going to travel two thirty mile hexes and it dawns on me that the players can just know of any nearby monsters and then probably avoid them with ease. Streams, ponds, and migrating buffalo herd, too. So I tell them that there is a pack of twenty dog men cruising through the area on some kind of errand. The players elect to avoid them and make it to the Octagon unmolested.
(Again, the nature of these dog men have to be explained by the old players to the new players.)
They walk in and there are these two barbarians [note: Unearthed Arcana is NOT in play] lounging around, each with a bad case of thousand yard stare. Fagor had just attained fourth level so he approaches them and attempts to hire them on as henchmen, pointing out how his men had actually leveled under his direction. The tall one, named Laurel, draws up to his full height of seven foot four inches and suggests that mayhap Fagor should hench for HIM. Initiative is rolled and (with apologies to the new players that have no idea what is happening) page seventy-two of the Dungeon Masters Guide is consulted to resolve an unarmed combat action. The insanely baroque rules are followed closely and we determine that Fagor has picked up Laurel and THROWN HIM OUT OF THE WINDOW.
Fagor buys two beers with his last bit of silver, offers one to the fat barbarian named Hardy, and then walks out to revive his erstwhile foe. Laurel comes to, sips his beer, and Fagor tells him, “Trovelore says a warrior must not turn away from his traumas. He must turn towards them, face them directly… AND [CENSORED]!”
(This was hilarious and weirdly poignant as Fagor had rolled a 1 for his hit points AGAIN the other day and all of this was a was a very beautiful expression of these demoralizing dice results. So sad for the new players who merely experience this as a throwaway preamble to the game and not the entire point of the game. But how could they know?)
Now one of the new guys had rolled up a magic-user and somehow he got Unseen Servant for a spell. And I think when he had heard that there was a dungeon near the Octogon had (two hexes ago, now) suggested that he send his unseen servant to the dungeon in order to retrieve a winged demoness such as an Erinyes. Needless to say, the Unseen Servant and the game don’t really work this way. And I, laboring under a crippling definiciency in social skills myself, had gently attempted to steer him into the ethos of this particular game.
Now, this magic-user now excitedly tells these barbarians about how he is looking for an Erinyes. The men are somewhat baffled by this at first until something dawns on the fat one. He runs over to the lounge, rifles through a stack of magazines, and comes back with one full of pictures of naked demon women. The magic-user is like perfect, exactly. Where is she, he asks? The barbarian shrugs and the points to the bathroom. The magic-user goes and searches it and comes back to report that there were no winged naked women inside.
(This is of course Infocom for “you see nothing special.”)
Now the players ask about the dungeon. They say they went in with a group a few weeks ago and got completely slaughtered. Only they lived to tell of it. Standard deal: pit trap at intersection, weird humanoid monsters, total chaos. There’s probably seven or eight left. One got killed with a Magic Missile. At least one was cut down in battle. These guys are tough but not indestructible.
The party gears up, hashes out a marching order, and heads to the dungeon. The proprietor makes them fill out waivers before they leave. Also gives them day glo bracelets to wear. They go to the dungeon entrance not far away and go through the turnstiles. They come to the pit trap and identify it. The brand new aspiring bard character wants to force the pit trap open so he presses on it with his halberd while someone else holds on to his belt. The trap opens with a very loud clang.
It is of course extremely important that this aspiring bard explores this pit trap. It’s a doozy, too. Thirty feet down with terrible, nasty spikes at the bottom. Someone lowers down the bard. He is about halfway down when I ask for initiative.
It’s rough. The players’ front line wins initiative and hurls missiles at these grey, ragged, glow-eyed things coming their way. None of these guys drop in spite of a direct hit with the flaming oil. The person lowering the bard guy into the pit gets hit from behind and drops him. I roll two dice for this bard guy hoping to kill him but they both come up ones. Foiled again!
At this point the new guy with the magic-user bows out. This distresses me greatly as I was in the midst of making as much of a good faith effort to bring this guy into the game as I could figure out how to do and it was all RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER. Everything fit, too. But dang.
Before the second round there is a pretty major Theater of the Mind fail in that there was major disagreement about where the party and the monsters were in relation to the pit. I rule that during the first round the monsters had lept over the pit into a chaotic melee. There is a couple more rounds of damage to tally before the monsters finally PASS a morale check and then fight to the death. There are coin pouches on the monsters and the bard guy finds a bunch of silver down in the pit trap. At this point the players take all the silver, retire to the Octogon, spend maybe two days healing up, and then come back. I don’t know if placing the silver in the trap was a good idea or not, but there you go. PLAYERS THAT TAKE SIGNIFICANT DAMAGE AND GAIN ANY AMOUNT OF TREASURE AT ALL ARE GOING TO GO BACK TO TOWN. Everybody knows this is the way.
Real time play can fortunately discourage this sort of thing maybe and yield natural consequences for it… but not with this particular situation. The players go back in, head right at the intersection, and find this room with bedding and so forth. They find a case of electrum, too. They throw over all the beds looking for secret passages and find this trap door that leads to a stairwell. They go down a long ways. The stairs sort of zig zag every which way. They come out into a very large dungeon room that has been so flooded that everything is covered in lime stone. Caveification. The players aren’t sure about this. Someone says to stop and listen for a moment. I tell them that they hear a sound like a stomach growling.
That does it. They are gone.
They go back up the stairs and try the other way at the intersection. They come into a room with a prison cell. Inside is a BEAUTIFUL NAKED WOMAN. She beseeches the party to please either bend bars or life gates so that she can be free. They talk about maybe taking her to Trollopulous. A new (but seasoned) player with a fighter announces that he has somehow managed to succeed as his required roll of 10%. The woman (who has a figure like Ben Shapiro’s sister) comes into the firelight as the bard guy is coming towards her with something to cover up her shame. Only too late does he notice the snakes for hair!
New guy fighter makes his saving throw but bard guy does not and he is turned to stone. One player stops the game to explain that his henchman “Peero” is actually inspired by Ben Shapiro and his whole schtick is that he is always looking at things and if you say, “don’t look!” he is the type of person that absolutely HAS to look. Well, Peero Shapiro makes his saving throw. Which makes sense given that it was his sister in there at least after a fashion.
Fagor throws his Lava Lamp Javelin and makes a direct hit. The woman is knocked back, crying in shock and agony. The two sumo wrestler henchmen closed in on her and went to work. One of them successfully executed a full frontal bear hug while the other put her in an arm lock. These guys should have been bitten by snakes here, but even the snakes were screaming in agony due to the Lava Lamp Javelin.
The damage was just stacking up, illustrating just how fragile “super awesome” monsters are when they try to work alone. I was wondering how they were going to play this as this monster was technically a treasure if she was sold to the upcoming Monster Girl exhibit as the Tower of Ultimate Evil. I asked the new guy with the fighter what he was going to do and he hauled off with his axe and chopped the thing’s head off.
How long will a putrescent monster head retain its utility? We shall see! (Good thing we are playing in a game where time actually has meaning, though.)
Meanwhile, after the game the player of the Cleric/Assassin gave me instructions for his character:
PHB p.29 “The secondary function of the assassin is spying. This mission can be coupled with the stealing of some item.”
This is my assassin’s current goals.
Infiltrate the cultists (done I think) Determine who they worship. If they worship Nergal, as an acolyte of Nergal openly ingratiate myself with any higher level Nergal cleric in the cult in an attempt to become mostly above suspicion. If the dig actually finds the shield of Nergal, steal it. If discovered flee, if possible, to the valley of Bones. Seems likely I’ll be discovered somewhere along this path (only first level after all). But, if I find out #2 will adjust as needed.
With this declaration, we have three independent groups operating in the campaign. Three!
I can’t tell you how foreign this is to role-players and how hard it was to persuade the players to actually run multiple characters in the way that Gygax discusses in the Dungeon Master’s Guide. I have been fought tooth and nail over this. But I am telling you it is a REALLY GOOD IDEA. As soon as this happens you HAVE to have consistent rules in order to be able to adjudicate these parties faithfully. No one party commands the spotlight or has special priviledges. The campaign NATURALLY takes precedence over all of them.
Even better, the entire world seems to blossom as more of it gets developed concurrently. All while the “real time” rules force you to have to wait for things to transpire in their appointed season.
Very fascinating to watch this happen. Very unusual way to structure an rpg.
Very objectively an integral part of AD&D, OD&D, and old school play in general!
Treasure and Experience
The first delve resulted in 306 XP for killing monsters. 3063 silver, 56 electrum, and 28 gold were recovered. The new magic user that left half way through the session gets XP for killing the monsters, but DOES NOT GET A TREASURE SHARE. (Attendence matters!) Total gold value here 209.15. XP shares here are 515.15/8 = 64 and gold shares are 209.15/7 = 29.8. (The henchmen get 19 XP and 14 gold this time.)
The second delve resulted in 869 XP for killing monsters and 3000 electrum. Both magic-users were gone from this one so XP shares are 2369/6 = 394 XP and 1500/6 = 250 gold. (197 XP and 125 gold for the henchmen.)
Total haul for most PC’s is 603 XP and 314 gold. Total haul for the henchmen is 301 XP and 157 gold. Magic-users can suck it!
(Note: I owe the players a negligible amount of XP from the Valley of Bones session.)
Cast o’ Characters
Fagor the Half-Orc Hero [Delves 3a, 3b, 4, 5, 6, 6b, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, and 28] — 8000 + 603 XP and 314 gold. His horns have grown incredibly large. Looks frightening and diabolical. Cloven hooves His name means “astonishing hero” in orcish. Member of the Order of the Knights of Trollopulous.
Logan — Level 2 (16 hit points) [Delve 12, 13, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, and 28] Plate mail and shortswords. 130 + 403.5 + 157 = 690.5 gold and 2000 + 548.5 + 301 XP.
Nasty and Dernhelm — Level 2 [Delve 12, 14, 15, 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, and 28] Just a codpiece and a spear. 130 + 403.5 + 157 = 690.5 gold and 2000 + 548.5 + 301 XP. (Trained for dedicated grappling)
Peero the Sweeper — (Strength 15 an 7 hit points) [Delves 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, and 28] 31 + 80 + 165 + 403.5 + 157 = 836.5 gold and 53 + 119 + 349 + 548.5 + 301. Has antique monocle from 5th aeon.
Laurel and Hardy the barbarians (Session 28 only) Henching for Fagor after meeting him at the Octagon. 301 XP and 157 gold.
Rubiest — Human Ovate (Session 22, 25, and 28) Has a Pegasus for a best buddy because being “good” has its priviledges. 1500 + 603 XP. +157 gold for session 28.
Harry Plinkett — Human Prestidigitator (Session 22, 25, and 28) Turns dead player characters into pizza rolls. Has enough XP to level but not enough gold. Has magic hat and a scroll with several high level spells on it. +29.8 gold for session 28.
New Guy Magic-User (Session 28 only) — Really wants to find the monster women. 64 XP for session 28. No treasure!
Franz the Veteran (Session 28 only) — Made his saving throw versus gaze attack. Something to talk about in the tavern back home! 603 XP and 314 gold.
Note to players: with the campaign bifurcating, accurate records of expenditures, XP, activities, and location becomes much more important. People should be able to reconstruct how we run this game from your character sheets along. These records will be audited when you attempt to level and your grade will be adjusted accordingly. Thank you!
Note to self: To speed up the combat sequences I will take the time to make improved Referee control sheets that include armor class and significant stat bonuses. I like not knowing how much hit points people have as that forestalls temptation to fudge rolls.
Step up your game!
The Grave Yard
Lucas Mild Mantle, Veteran (Session 28 only) — He qualified to be a bard. He fell into a nasty pit trap. But he was turned to stone by a Medusa that looked like Ben Shapiro’s sister. His statue currently stands in the Octagon building of the Adventurer’s Aid Society.
Long campaigns do not have the dynamic I would have thought they’d have. The guys with perfect attendence are going to have tremendous influence over the game. Other people will dip in and spaz out because rpgs are a religion. Best example of this is literary hero Misha Burnett who could not stand my “theater of the mind” style of play even though he literally sat in on the GREATEST SESSION I HAVE EVER RUN. Other people drift away without telling you why. Other people complain about things and end up soaking up significant swaths of Dungeon Master creative energy. That can go two ways– either compromise is reached or somebody burns out.
So a campaign like this really the outcome of how these personality differences are ultimately sorted out. Rules and scenario design develop iteratively towards something that can hold all this together, bringing more of what the most engaged players connect with and steering away from the things that put people off. In like manner, the AD&D rules were not designed. They are what happened after years of almost daily play at an open table. Because they were forged under the same kind of stresses that I have subjected myself to, they tend to be surprisingly relevant to the dungeon mastering problems the campaign has ended up presenting to me.
Which brings us to last Thursday night.
We had two new guys so I asked the players to explain the campaign to them. I think it took at least thirty minutes to explain it. I don’t think any of this is necessarily going to come across. People just know that this is some kind of folk culture that has stood the test of time and that somehow they can join in and that it’s going to be fun and stupid and hilarious and yet also A TRULY GREAT GAME all at once. Do any of the details actually matter?
The past few sessions have been a slough of despond for me, though. The preperations I had made during my three week hiatus had been a very mixed bag. After getting better at what we’re starting to call the “jazz” approach to rpgs, I couldn’t go back to running a game from a one page dungeon, even a demented one of my own creation. On the one hand, there were significant flaws in my dungeon design philosophy which I have only just now identified. On the other, if the players pick a dungeon environment and I immediately know everything that can or will happen for the entire session, I will be bored out of my mind. Gripping hand is… in the recounting of the campaign history a player let slip that that players had for many sessions CONSCIOUSLY pursued a “lowest common denominator” ultra-cautious quest for the lowest hanging fruit that my game could offer.
Holy moly, did that ever grind me down! I had fifteen dungeons sketched out in an attempt to pay off what I had established. But, man… nothing I was going to create was going to stand up to that kind of “strategy”. (Is that even a strategy?)
I was despairing over this as all of this was being explained to the new guys. The last several sessions have just been awful, I thought. I don’t know what to do with it I just keep playing because a few people are really into it in spite of it all. So the guy that plays Fagor and Chadrian, he dismisses all this. Our minds are narrative generating machines. We just have to keep playing and before long, SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN that causes everything to click. It doesn’t matter how random it is, the collective minds of the players will MAKE IT MAKE SENSE.
I don’t think I had ever thought of it that way. Or maybe I had and had forgotten.
One new guy had already been acculturated into our old school ways by another DM in the group. Another guy was brand new. I had probably told the guy to just show up, play something boring like a human fighter or something, and then plan on getting killed in an anticlimatic way. (He was so new to AD&D he didn’t know how to roll his hit points or starting gold.) Somehow– and this is amazing– he was able to just join in, hang back a little, and just be a part of the chaos. Anyone that has had any experience with human interaction is going to know that this is the RIGHT WAY to do this. Some of the guys in the group have been playing this game for one hundred hours. No one can tell you how you will fit into all this in advance. Explaining what is going on cannot get anything significant across. Particularly if you have different assumptions about how rpgs even work.
Game? Were we going to play a game? Oh wait, have to explain to the new guy that he gets 4d4 gold and 1d10 hit-points and the players argue over arcane knowledge of which sword does what which I don’t understand. (In the early stages, the campaign got to a point where it provided free adventure seeds that were better than anything I could design. At this stage… it has accrued so much lore as to be a bit of a tax on all future sessions!)
But yes, I was dropping six things on the campaign. Everything we’ve left unfinished, undeveloped, unfollowed:
40′ tall 6-armed Bug Buddha demon summoned by the cults that somebody remembered I had forgotted recently. Players start arguing about what to do, asking questions immediatly about this, but I am like, hey I got five more. Five more!
Goblin rape gangs terrorizing Trollopulous. This one killed. For some reason this was just hilarious.
Mushroom men seek alliance with Fluid the Druid. A little bit of back and forth here.
Venger Satanis group archeology dig. Stopped and used the assassin rules for a Half-orc Cleric/Assassin. The party here was still five days into the future going by Gygaxian timekeeping. Now that half-orc was another 7 days out on top of that! Explained breifly that this Cleric/Assassin betrayed his own brother with some dream and prophecy stuff. The spot where he died after betraying the Satanis men is directly above the place where Nergal’s shield is said to be deposited.
Monster Girl exhibit opening at Tower of Ultimate Evil
NPC party making bank in sewers w/ 6 Crystal Constructs
The thing with the Nergal shield was supposed to be the obvious winner out of all of these. I mean that is obviously the coolest thing going on in the game. I was really suprised when the players decided to play their other characters from Trollopulous. The new guy playing the boring human fighter actually had a tremendous amount of influence on the session this time. He just wanted to go find a beautiful woman somewhere. Like if he had a back story, that was bascially it. In our game there was the evil sorceress at Mt. Glovermore that had been encased in ice at one point. Given that this was near where the mushroom men lived in Opar, the players agreed that this was the place where they could get multiple things done at once.
See, there was a clear adventure objective that the players were keen on. And there was a strategic situation that they were concerned about– an battle between Glovermore (Sorceress/Frogmen) and Opar (Mushroom Men/Zombie Animals). Stuff was going to happen and it was all going to build on stuff that we’d been developing for twenty-six sessions. The specificity of our original gaming creations have by now accrued their own layers of meanings to the point where no product could come close to providing the same sort of feeling of depth. All of this matters a bit more because of its proximity to Fluid the Druid’s treehouse. Plus, the players are by now so contemptuos of Trollopulous itself, that they hope to leverage their knowledge of its geography to raise an army that could successfully destroy the place. (When did that happen? Imagine if the players had attempted to orchestrate that without telling me what they goal was!)
But now all of that was going to collide with with whatever the wilderness encounter tables gaveus and whatever random portion of a one page dungeon I’d made months ago for a comepletely different set of campaign dynamics.
They set off to the jungles. Now that I have a hex map, I really need to know about the rate of travel. The players say that in AD&D they have a move of 12″ and their daily rate of travel is double that. This does not factor in armor, weapons, and rations that they are loaded down with, but by this point we are an hour and a half into the session and we haven’t really started yet. (The campaign lore tax must be paid!) I go with 24 miles a day for the clear hexes and then 16 miles a day in the jungle hexes. With 30 mile hexes, this is about 1 clear hex a day and half a jungle hex a day at walking rates. The players not having horses like they used to makes this much more complicated than it was. We’ll fix this at some point.
Fluid the Druid stops by his treehouse and leaves his bison mount there. The players keep on through the forest and a few game days into play, they run into a group of sixty cave men. They are hostile because they are carrying a giant egg back to their village and they think the players are going to take it. Fluid charms the leader with a spell and the Chadrian uses his comprehend languages spell to pick up just enough cave man speech to persuade them to go on a journey to find an even greater egg. Due to my recent kick on reevaluating the game in terms of miniatures warfare, the players immediately see the cave men as three figures in a Chainmail game. They had rejected the idea of purchasing ten or twenty men-at-arms to round out the party. Sixty cave men was more than we’d ever dared to take on in the game.
I can’t remember any of the other wilderess encounters. The players have now travelled many days when they finally get to Mount Glovermore. They opted to take ALL of the cave men into the dungeon. I don’t bother describing all the details of how the players get to the room where the woman in ice had been frozen way back. (We’re trying to get to the actual game part of the session and the wilderness trek had made for a not insignificant second preamble.)
They get there and there are two different passages to the north. There are marching orders to deal with. Finally the players opt to go left and we are exploring a new room. Inside this one is walls covered in heroic figures blacksploitation films– Shaft, Blackula, the voodoo people from Live and Let Die, the entire cast of I’m Gonna Get You Sucka… but not Grace Jones. There is a passageway to the north blocked off by rubble. There is a hologram of Morgan Freeman explaining the terrible end to the civilization that built Mr. Glovermore. Evidently some sort of magical device raged out of control.
Chadrian had gotten turned into a Gorgon by drinking from the Clash of the Titans fountain last session. He asked if he could take his bones out of joint and slither through the rubble to see what is on the other side. I decided this was extremely unlikely, giving it a 1-in-12 chance of happening. I picked up the d12 and decided that it wouldn’t work unless a 12 came up, expecting to move on to the next room so that something could happen. Then a 12 came up. (!!) On the other side is the Dark Crystal room. Underneath it down a pit way, way down below is an expanse of lava. Chadrian slithers back and persuades the cavemen to start clearing the rubble, telling them that the great egg is that way.
Needless to say, none of this was the plan for the evening by any stretch. Caveman army on the first level of a dungeon as the players find something they weren’t “supposed” to discover until much later… combined with the off the wall thing that just HAS to happen, of course. I mean, this is Mount Glovermore, right?
So the players see purple lightning bolts in the room to the south and send five player characters down to check it out. It’s nine frog men armed with spears! The new assassin player throws flaming oil. The monk shoots a crossbow. These hit to devestating effect. The three characters rushing into them for melee all miss however. The morale rules call for a check at 25% casualties which the frog men have not gotten yet. The players were “supposed” to get that check and then trigger a failure, but it didn’t work out for them!
The seven surviving frog men battle back and the assassin takes five hits of damage. I very carefully slowed down the game to check for the weapon vs. ac adjustments because this is the only AD&D rule that anybody seems to know about. Somebody got an extra -1 to their AC out of this and we were all satisfied that the game was correct and in good order in at least one area.
The next round, the monk used his superior speed to run down the secret passage and shut off the carbon freezing chamber. Fluid the Druid wondered if he knew what was happening down in the carbon freezing area, but my one page dungeon specification ruled that out. He is unable to help! That left four guys fighting seven frog men. The players somehow don’t take any casualties and the frog men lose another man, triggering the morale check. The fact that the frogs took casualties while the players did not gave a +50% penalty to the roll. I rolled a 4, which was only just barely a morale failure. The frogs back off in a fighting retreat which opened them up to ranged attacks from the players. I didn’t think of it, but the frogs should have thrown their spears. Maybe they didn’t win initiative, though. They take more casualties and only two survive to flee down the hallway.
The caveman excavation process then completed after thirty more minutes of game time. The players make a grappling hook out of ropes and Fluid the Druid’s golden sycle. They pull the crystal and it sort of coasts towards them. Cavemen reach out to steady it as it comes their way and they are shocked for one hit point of damage.
I rule that the players are able to get the crystal outside of Mount Glovermore. They decide to take to Opar where the mushroom men live. Their plan is to somehow use it to form a Caveman Confederation. Or figure out what it does. One player fluent in the Dungeon Master’s Guide suggests that it might a the Crystal of the Ebon Flame. I have never played with an artifact in game before so I don’t even know what the rules are for how a player discovers how to weild its powers. Somebody says you don’t get experience for them which is intriguing. (And I have to say… regular magic items just do not infringe upon the players consciousness normally. They need so much gold for training, they just sell them if the remember that they have them at all. So now that something might be an artifact, the players care about a magic item for the first time since they were desperate for scrolls in the bad old days.)
The players are struck with inspiration about linking up the two independent parties now that two artifact-like items were introduced at once. But then we realized that the other group doesn’t know what this group does and time and space are suddenly a constraint on what is normally an anything goes type campaign. With a single party engaging in weekly adventures, Gygaxian timekeeping as little impact on the game beyond (a) adventure locations moving forward in time allowing them to prepare for the players’ return and (b) the adventurer roster changing up based on who is out for training, healing, or wilderness travel. But now with two groups active at once, it’s hard to say which one is the most intiquing to the players. But if both are and there is some sort of competition between the two… then Gygaxian timekeeping becomes extremely important for determining which group is down what and when. Long wilderness treks by one of the other group will cause the competing group to take the stage the following week.
Anyway, the group still needed to come back from Mount Glovermore. Travel back to Opar and an encounter of 9 hostile Gryphons occurs. I try to imagine what they would want and how they would behave and whether or not the trees would provide cover, but after the cavemen were instructed to throw rocks and checking the monster stats revealed they were neutral beast-like creatures of average intelligence, I ruled that this didn’t go anywhere.
So this session– largely due to having to incorparate two new players– got split up about half and half. Half of it was like a normal D&D game like most people think of, but with less “grinding” maybe. The other half was what I would call campaign tending. Lots of little decisions all over the place that help set up something focused towards that campaign world environment rather than the risk/reward matrix of a “press your luck” type dungeon delve.
Is this quality gaming? Who can say. But it is a great example of why Gygax had a hard time imagining why anyone would need someone to buy purchased adventure modules for a D&D campaign.
Treasure and Experience:
For killing 7 frog men the five dudes that engaged in a real combat get 157 XP. That comes out to 31 each.
Note that the crystal should probably not be an artifact per Gygax: “Those artifacts and relics which you bring into play should be so carefully guarded by location and warding devices and monsters that recovery of any one is an undertaking of such magnitude that only very powerful characters, in concert, and after lengthy attempts have any chance whatsoever of attaining one.”
However if it was an artifact, it would have a value in gold pieces that could be obtained from a certain Zanzel Melancthones in Trollopulous who would no doubt use it to defend Trollopulous from all threats foreign and domestic.
Cast o’ Characters:
The Smartcher — Human Fighter (?) that looks like Calibos (Session 26 and 27) 31 XP
Chadrian — Half-Elf Fighter/Magic-User that looks like Chad-Medusa (Session 26 and 27) 31 P
Bob Dobs — Human Veteran/Acolyte (Session 22, 23, and 27) XP at 758 + 349 + 1097 + 31 = 2235 split between each of the Fighter and Cleric classes. 1376 + 330.5 + 807 = 2513.5 gold.
Malalip the Initiate — Level two monk. [Sessions 18, 19, 21, and 27] 2250 + 106 + 400 + 31 XP. All saving spent on training. 63 gold this time. Sole survivor of level 10 of The Tower of Ultimate Darkness. Potion of Strength 18/00.
Fluid the Druid, Initiate of the 2nd Circle — Level three druid. [Delve 9, 10, 11, 14, 15, 17, 19, 20, 21, 26, and 27] 4000 + 106 + 369 + 400 = 4875 XP. Should be broke from training. 63 gold last time and 160 this time. Procurer of the fabled Boobs of Opar. Potion of Strength 18/00.
Hans the Assassin (Session 27 only!) 31 XP
Antiochus the Human Fighter (Session 27 only!) 31 XP
November 26 — Session 25 “The Valley of Bones” begins. This wilderness trek takes 19 days for party “A”. December 3 — Session 26 “Gayhenna” begins. This is a single day excursion. December 10 — Session 27 “Totel Rpg Enlightedment” begins. This wilderness trek took 8 days to get to Mount Glovermore and then 4 more to return to Opar. This is party “B”.
This gets complicated. Because party “A” sent an assassin on a 7 day spying mission. Next session, Party “A” will be available to return to play THREE days after the point at which they had left off and FOUR days before the assassin returns with the information.
Party “B” will NOT be available for play next session because they will still be in the “future”.
So I’d been thinking about week about what the campaign most needed. Dreaming about how to prepare for what could conceivably happen once we got to where we had a fifth level fighter leading a 200 man Chainail unit in battle. Nailing down the situation in the area surrounding the Valley of Boons all seemed key to sorting this out.
Of course, sitting down to actually play the game, the players end up having their own ideas. I am pretty sure they don’t sit around worring about doing things that I would like to do. This is the only game I’ve ever heard of that has taken total player autonomy to this extreme. The players list off the other dungeons we’ve played in previously and talk about going back. Fluid the Druid mentions he wants to go down the spiral staircase to the underground lake but Rubiest the cleric thinks that is a TERRIBLE idea. They kick around some more ideas and I think I could maybe spruce things up by dropping some rumors about all these places. But sometimes I just want to see what the players do regardless. Anyway, somebody mentions the second floor of the Tower of Ultimate Evil. For some reason, this sounds like a great idea.
Now, Fluid the Druid had been given a clue on the location of some potion components way back when he used the giant ouija board to speak to the spirit of Getafix the Druid. That exchange ended way back with, “you’re gonna owe me one.” So I drug that back out for the occasion. Somehow, Fluid– maybe in a dream– got a message from beyond that he is supposed to bring a few Trollops along on this escapade.
Fluid is all over this. He brings his main squeeze and dredges up a couple more trollops to come along. The party heads over to the lobby floor of the Tower of Ultimate Evil. They get a brochure detailing the current tour of Gehenna on the second floor. (First level contains the History of Trollopulean Spirutualism exhibit, sixth floor is the assassins guild from John Wick, and the tenth floor is the spirit cooking level.) Before heading to the elevator the went over to the food court area to enjoy some [Welsh] gypsy food and [Apache] Indian cuisine.
The players come out the elevator and onto the second floor. Inside are beautiful, rolling green hills. Fluid the Druid tells Petunia the dog to guard the elevator door and somebody props it open with a spear. Then Fluid plays ultimate frisbee with the three trollops. Some Satyrs come up to join the game. I’m not sure if Fluid put a spell on them or not but they direct him to go to a certain Mr. Big. Follow the path through the exhibits on the path. Look for door with a “do not enter” sign on it.
They head down the path and pass this white house with a mailbox in front of it. Inside is a note that says, “welcome to the last homely house in Gehenna. Make yourself at home, but DON’T GO DOWN THE CHIMNEY!” Fluid climbed to the roof and looked down the chimney considering whether or not to try it. Somebody else went around the back and through a window to find a kitchen table with a head of garlic and a butter knife. It wasn’t long before the players decided that there was something very creepy about the place. Weirdly reminiscent of the house from The Night Land.
The players next come to this beautiful city with white alabaster passageways, pillars and archers decorated with all kinds of elaborate carvings. There is a fountain in the center of this weirdly quiet town. The Smartcher drinks from it and turns into Calibos from the 1981 Clash of the Titans movie. Next, Chadrian drinks from it and turns into the Medusa from the 1981 Clash of the Titans. He drinks from it again hoping to turn into a mechanical owl, but makes his saving throw that time.
The players move on and come to the first circle of hell: a science fiction convention. There is a fat girl in a corset and a dude dressed up like the rainbow My Little Pony character. I can’t remember what we did with this. The players went down to the basement which was I think off limits for some reason. They could see down the hallway a bunch of furries coming which they decided must mean that they are really werewolves. And then they left. But they kidnapped the fat girl for some reason.
The players were about to move on but this one dude decided to get a sharpie from the science fiction convention and draw the door that the Stayrs described on a wall somewhere. This opened to a passage made of twisted roots. They followed the tunnel and came to some kind of banquet table with jewel encrusted goblets on it. There was not a plain cup among them. There were two doors, one on either side of some kind of throne. The players cut up a bit. Sitting in the throne, maybe bagging up the loot.
Striding down one of the halways is Mr. Big. He introduces himself as the voice from beyond. Fluid is pretty mad. He insists that he spoke to Getafix the great druid. So Mr. Big transforms into Getafix and then back into Mr. Big. Fluid is mad because he has been lied to. Mr. Big dismisses these concerns and demands that Fluid give him the trollops. Fluid decides he doesn’t want to. They decide to flee.
There is some hijinx and the party somehow run away. They draw a picture of the emergency door from the top of the elevator and open it. They jump down inside it and close it behind them. They hit the button for the lobby and before it opens up Petunia the dog freaks out and grows a new mutant head from out of his shoulder. Meanwhile slime started pouring into the elevator. Parts of the wall broke off and tentacles started creeping inside.
Fluid cast cure disease on Petunia. The doors open up on a beautiful suburbia. A guy rides past on a bike carrying a case of beer under his arm. The players go into one of the houses and chat with the attractive suburban mom that lives there. Fluid is up to no good and talks her into showing him around upstairs. She shoots tongues out of her mouth to tie Fluid up, but he cuts them in half with his golden sickle. He throws mistletoe at her and runs away.
The party starts to draw a manhole cover but then draws a door to the jeweler. The party sells him the jeweled chalices and where about to leave when he turns to Fluid and suggests he make good on his part of the bargain. Fluid finally relents, but switches the fat girl in place of his favorite trollop. Fluid asks Mr. Big what it would take to get the entire undead quarter cleared out so that it could be converted to a park. Mr. Big describes a positively gigantic dungeon level with something in it that he would like retrieved. What is it? Oh… you’ll know when you find it!
The players leave and tried to figure out if Mr. Big was a demon or an illusionist. The players ponder maybe going the giant six page dungeon level when they level up some more.
Cast o’ Characters: The Smartcher, Chadrian, Fluid the Druid, and probably somebody else.
Treasure and Experience: Haha, are you kidding? No way the gold the players got paid was real.