So I’d been thinking about week about what the campaign most needed. Dreaming about how to prepare for what could conceivably happen once we got to where we had a fifth level fighter leading a 200 man Chainail unit in battle. Nailing down the situation in the area surrounding the Valley of Boons all seemed key to sorting this out.
Of course, sitting down to actually play the game, the players end up having their own ideas. I am pretty sure they don’t sit around worring about doing things that I would like to do. This is the only game I’ve ever heard of that has taken total player autonomy to this extreme. The players list off the other dungeons we’ve played in previously and talk about going back. Fluid the Druid mentions he wants to go down the spiral staircase to the underground lake but Rubiest the cleric thinks that is a TERRIBLE idea. They kick around some more ideas and I think I could maybe spruce things up by dropping some rumors about all these places. But sometimes I just want to see what the players do regardless. Anyway, somebody mentions the second floor of the Tower of Ultimate Evil. For some reason, this sounds like a great idea.
Now, Fluid the Druid had been given a clue on the location of some potion components way back when he used the giant ouija board to speak to the spirit of Getafix the Druid. That exchange ended way back with, “you’re gonna owe me one.” So I drug that back out for the occasion. Somehow, Fluid– maybe in a dream– got a message from beyond that he is supposed to bring a few Trollops along on this escapade.
Fluid is all over this. He brings his main squeeze and dredges up a couple more trollops to come along. The party heads over to the lobby floor of the Tower of Ultimate Evil. They get a brochure detailing the current tour of Gehenna on the second floor. (First level contains the History of Trollopulean Spirutualism exhibit, sixth floor is the assassins guild from John Wick, and the tenth floor is the spirit cooking level.) Before heading to the elevator the went over to the food court area to enjoy some [Welsh] gypsy food and [Apache] Indian cuisine.
The players come out the elevator and onto the second floor. Inside are beautiful, rolling green hills. Fluid the Druid tells Petunia the dog to guard the elevator door and somebody props it open with a spear. Then Fluid plays ultimate frisbee with the three trollops. Some Satyrs come up to join the game. I’m not sure if Fluid put a spell on them or not but they direct him to go to a certain Mr. Big. Follow the path through the exhibits on the path. Look for door with a “do not enter” sign on it.
They head down the path and pass this white house with a mailbox in front of it. Inside is a note that says, “welcome to the last homely house in Gehenna. Make yourself at home, but DON’T GO DOWN THE CHIMNEY!” Fluid climbed to the roof and looked down the chimney considering whether or not to try it. Somebody else went around the back and through a window to find a kitchen table with a head of garlic and a butter knife. It wasn’t long before the players decided that there was something very creepy about the place. Weirdly reminiscent of the house from The Night Land.
The players next come to this beautiful city with white alabaster passageways, pillars and archers decorated with all kinds of elaborate carvings. There is a fountain in the center of this weirdly quiet town. The Smartcher drinks from it and turns into Calibos from the 1981 Clash of the Titans movie. Next, Chadrian drinks from it and turns into the Medusa from the 1981 Clash of the Titans. He drinks from it again hoping to turn into a mechanical owl, but makes his saving throw that time.
The players move on and come to the first circle of hell: a science fiction convention. There is a fat girl in a corset and a dude dressed up like the rainbow My Little Pony character. I can’t remember what we did with this. The players went down to the basement which was I think off limits for some reason. They could see down the hallway a bunch of furries coming which they decided must mean that they are really werewolves. And then they left. But they kidnapped the fat girl for some reason.
The players were about to move on but this one dude decided to get a sharpie from the science fiction convention and draw the door that the Stayrs described on a wall somewhere. This opened to a passage made of twisted roots. They followed the tunnel and came to some kind of banquet table with jewel encrusted goblets on it. There was not a plain cup among them. There were two doors, one on either side of some kind of throne. The players cut up a bit. Sitting in the throne, maybe bagging up the loot.
Striding down one of the halways is Mr. Big. He introduces himself as the voice from beyond. Fluid is pretty mad. He insists that he spoke to Getafix the great druid. So Mr. Big transforms into Getafix and then back into Mr. Big. Fluid is mad because he has been lied to. Mr. Big dismisses these concerns and demands that Fluid give him the trollops. Fluid decides he doesn’t want to. They decide to flee.
There is some hijinx and the party somehow run away. They draw a picture of the emergency door from the top of the elevator and open it. They jump down inside it and close it behind them. They hit the button for the lobby and before it opens up Petunia the dog freaks out and grows a new mutant head from out of his shoulder. Meanwhile slime started pouring into the elevator. Parts of the wall broke off and tentacles started creeping inside.
Fluid cast cure disease on Petunia. The doors open up on a beautiful suburbia. A guy rides past on a bike carrying a case of beer under his arm. The players go into one of the houses and chat with the attractive suburban mom that lives there. Fluid is up to no good and talks her into showing him around upstairs. She shoots tongues out of her mouth to tie Fluid up, but he cuts them in half with his golden sickle. He throws mistletoe at her and runs away.
The party starts to draw a manhole cover but then draws a door to the jeweler. The party sells him the jeweled chalices and where about to leave when he turns to Fluid and suggests he make good on his part of the bargain. Fluid finally relents, but switches the fat girl in place of his favorite trollop. Fluid asks Mr. Big what it would take to get the entire undead quarter cleared out so that it could be converted to a park. Mr. Big describes a positively gigantic dungeon level with something in it that he would like retrieved. What is it? Oh… you’ll know when you find it!
The players leave and tried to figure out if Mr. Big was a demon or an illusionist. The players ponder maybe going the giant six page dungeon level when they level up some more.
Cast o’ Characters: The Smartcher, Chadrian, Fluid the Druid, and probably somebody else.
Treasure and Experience: Haha, are you kidding? No way the gold the players got paid was real.